The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)

UPDATE: Tens of thousands of readers have found this post and hundreds of you have commented. A few have said that these analogies were actually taken from other sources and were not written by high school kids at all. Now, we have a link that ends the debate. These analogies are the winning entries in a 1999 Washington Post humor contest, and there are more than 25. Please look at the comments sent August 3, 2008 by “Jiffer” to get to the complete list and the names of the authors.

ORIGINAL POST: I have to share these “funniest analogies” with you. They came in an e-mail from my sister. She got them from a cousin, who got them from a friend, who got them from… so they are circulating around. My apologies if you have already seen them.

The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writers. What do you think?

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

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Published in: on September 12, 2006 at 4:56 pm  Comments (544)  

544 Comments

  1. “She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.” ~ Well this just made me giggle!

    “The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.” ~ This makes you wonder just what is going in this student’s head!

    Funny stuff, Judy Rose! Delightful!

    • yeah i kinda’ wondered if that kid ever actually fried maggots…

  2. I love this list. When I first received it, I forwarded it to my daughter, who immediately replied, “Thanks for the list. It made me laugh like someone who had read something really funny.”

    • Haha! That is so funny!

      • Judy your analogies are cute as a baby’s smile but not like a chipmunk’s, but they both can bite.

      • the analogies are not that funny at all.

  3. We All Can Use A Smile …

    Judy Rose at Writing English (also at Rose Petals), has a fun post that had me sitting there, giggling. Even after I had finished reading, gone to the kitchen to pour myself some Iced Tea, I was still chuckling.

  4. Benning, Thanks for your comment and your link. I usually reserve this site for serious writing-related posts, but it’s in keeping with my personality to go for a few laughs from time to time. I really liked these analogies (in the e-mail they were called metaphors, although most of them are really similes – and there we are back at the serious writing stuff again). Glad you got some giggles, chuckles, and Iced Tea out of the whole thing.

    Kenneth, I nominate your daughter’s comment to be entry No. 26! When I first received them, after I stopped laughing (it took a while) I questioned whether these were really from kids’ essays, or made up by some clever writer. But I decided I don’t care. They worked for me.

    • these are not analogies they are similies/metaphors

      • similes and metaphors are both types of analogies.

  5. Judyrose, just to let you know, benning’s posting a part of this at his site is how I came to be here! ;)

  6. Hi Anna, Benning visited both of my sites the other day, and I’m glad you found this post through him. It’s good for a few laughs.

  7. All of these are absolutely incredible, they still make me laugh. Thank you so much for such good cheer.

  8. Squirrel, Glad you enjoyed them. They kept me laughing too, when my sister first sent them. I love those funny e-mails that people take the trouble to pass along. It’s a real good use of the system, as far as I’m concerned.

  9. Very funny. As the saying goes, “Kids say the darndest things”. Read any Terry Pratchett? He has the same sort of humour, and can make a simple sentence into one similar to the above samples. Thanks for sharing.

    • Love Pratchett! I recognized some of that in there too.
      “…exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t”

      Great stuff

  10. I love it.

  11. Ross: They are pretty funny. I’m not familiar with Terry Pratchett, but will look him up.
    Engtech: Nice kitty! I checked him out on your site. You said he can turn on the stove, but can he cook? I used to have four – no chefs among them.

    Thank you both for visiting.

  12. [...] I Stumbled across this post like a Monkey who had drank to much Dimatapp after a hard days climbing. [...]

  13. [...] {reposted from writingenglish.wordpress.com} « Anagrams and Palindromes   [...]

  14. Those are incredibly funny!

    I think number sixteen is my favorite :)

  15. I.T. Monkey and R.W.NR: Glad you liked these enough to share them with your own readers.

    Danny: I kind of like No. 10 myself.

    • No. 10 is my favorite as well. It made me laugh really hard.

  16. Nice!

  17. Those really are funny. I had to keep from laughing out loud here at work. Spreadsheets are not supposed to be funny.

  18. we would laugh at the wit if number 6 was written by say, irving welsh. 3 is wonderful too, this site brings joy like discovering that someone really horrible has children so horrible even they don’t really like them.

  19. Aditya: Thanks for visiting and having a laugh with me.

    Scott: Glad you enjoyed – but try not to lose your job! I wouldn’t want that on my conscience.

    Simone: You are in the running for #26.

  20. Engtech: Nice kitty! I checked him out on your site. You said he can turn on the stove, but can he cook? I used to have four – no chefs among them.

    No, he can’t cook. He just leaves “presents”.

  21. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

    That’s the best!

  22. Vicki: I can’t imagine how that kid got from eerie attics to Jeopardy, but I guess some brains work that way, and that makes for great humor.

  23. Funny!!!

  24. Dragon: I agree. Thanks for the visit.

  25. Instead of breaking wind, the aging baby boomer gave an inhaled snort that was both primitive and crude; she became a vulgar and dysfunctional whoopee cushion about to implode.

  26. Gabby: I usually have a retort, but your analogy leaves me speechless.

  27. hahahaha…those were fantastic!

  28. I recognize #18 from elsewhere, so if these are high school kids, they’re plagiarizing high school kids… still makes me laugh tho, especially #6.

  29. Awesome Post!

    Third Rake webcomic

  30. These were just too funny for words! Thanks so much for the laugh. Peace.

  31. These are from a contest — not from kids. Here’s a good explanation of it:

    http://www.lovedungeon.net/humor/misc/analogies.html

    The Style Invitational column can be found here:

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/17/AR2006111700916.html

  32. [...] See more: The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)   [...]

  33. [...] See more: The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) [...]

  34. They all sound like they’re written by the same person, but still funny as all hell. :D

  35. These were like a breath of Febreze on a polluted day!

  36. Nine seems a little familiar *dies*

    Pretty awesome, though.

    ~Amy ^_^

  37. While the second one was not the funniest, I love the originality. I’ll definitely remember it.

  38. Most of these aren’t any worse than any of the examples you could pull from a Sue Grafton novel, really.

  39. the funny part to me is how it plays on “adult” snobbishness.

    by framing them as written by “high schoolers” it goads us into a sense of superiority, and we think that obviously it is bad writing.

    these are actually from famous (some not so famous, but at least published) authors.

    • didn’t think it was bad writing at all, actually thought it was great! hilarious in fact – and it’s not easy to write comedy…

  40. those are great
    “He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.” was the best one

  41. These are completely hilarious. I will definitly be back from time to time to check on your usual subject matter but I love the humor in this post.

  42. These are great, but like other posters here I wonder how many are actually original. For example, #9. (The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.) sounds suspiciously like Douglas Adams.

  43. Thats some funny stuff. I was laughing from start to finish.

  44. Wow, absolutely hilarious! Dave Barry and Douglas Adams would be proud…

    • in the same vein as Sue Townsend and Tom Sharpe as well – if you haven’t read their stuff then I suspect you might like them. I have all their books, hilarious!

  45. Thank you. That has made my day. Made it into what I’m not sure, but it has still made it.

  46. [...] I found this great article today while suffering Digg.  It features some of the best analogies used by students in high school English papers.  I have reposted the list below for your viewing convenience! 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster. [...]

  47. [...] From a newly discovered Blog: Writing English [...]

  48. These are years old and phony as a seven-dollar bill…

  49. Funny stuff, but, I’m sorry, these are not from high school students. Given the path by which they were obtained, I think the high school theory falls into the urban legend trap. The analogies are too sophisticated to be simple misuse of the English language. They are intentionally crafted with great care to be as funny as they are. They sound like they came from the Buwler-Lytton contest.

    • That’s ageist. Are you saying kids can’t put the same thought and sophistication into it? I have a friend who’s 15 years old who can come up with the same sort of analogies as these.

      • I think Todd Gack meant that they wouldn’t come up with this for an essay or an actual assignment, and that these are purposely witty. I wholeheartedly agree with him.

      • Actually, teenagers can create witty analogies if the teacher has asked them to. My high school english teacher had made my class come up with witty analogies such as these. Of course he had given us examples to help us get a feel for what he wanted us to achieve with that assignment. I took an AP English writing and composition class in high school and I can say that the students in my class were highly intelligent. We don’t have to be famous writers to write with such skill. It’s called immulating. It’s where we copy the style of famous writers, but of course, our words are all our own. Also, I have just graduated from high school and I am not saying that I know everything or am smarter than others, but I do believe intelligence is not something to be judged upon age but rather actions.

  50. Judy,

    I think these are fantastic. As a kid myself, i cant help but smile at the depth of imagination some of these students must have. I’ve sent this out to all my friends.

    Thanks,
    Leo

  51. Not from a highschooler, and not an analogy,
    but a classic line uttered by Gina Lollabrigida
    to Frank Sinatra in Never So Few

    “When you kiss me… bells ring wildly in my temples”

  52. [...] Stolen from Writing english Kategori: Andres skriveri, Sjov og Uk – Skrevet 23. Nov. 2006 [...]

  53. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies, supposedly written by high school students [...]

  54. It made me laugh, like a mad man who realized that everyone was insane and sanity is overrated.

  55. I didn’t find these all that funny, perhaps I was expecting more, like after my wife has an orgasim. You would think she would want more of the same and go for a second better orgasim?!? Or when my wife over cookes the pork. She cooks it more to make sure it is safe.

  56. [...] Here are the top 25 analogies that have been collected by high-school teachers. They were taken from actual essays written by students. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. [...]

  57. This is hilarious… thumbs up

  58. These are total BS.

  59. These sound a lot like noir style writing. I love it!

  60. “…like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.”

    That one had me spewing coffee over my keyboard like that little peeing-boy fountain in Europe, only it was out of my mouth.

  61. [...] here are a few from snippets from  The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. [...]

    • Yeah! I absolutely thought this was quality! HA!

  62. [...] The list is here, more funny analogies are on Digg here. [...]

  63. [...] Link Filed under: humor, funny   |   [...]

  64. haha. number 21 rocks!

  65. Completely lost it by brother-in-law Phil. Tears streaming.

  66. Completely lost it by brother-in-law Phil. Tears are still streaming.

  67. [...] For something completely unrelated to my travel plans, or geeked out ravings, I ran across “The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)“, courtesy of Digg.  I don’t know if they are legit or not, but they are certainly entertaining. [...]

  68. For those who feel the need to question the actual history, association, or source of these gems, let me be brief; who cares?

    Take them for what they are – funny.

    A little lexical legerdemain never hurt anyone :)

  69. [...] I must be lonely. I’ve not yet recieved the forwarded email which contains the top 25 analogies collected by a high school English teacher. I stumbled across these somewhere on the web. My favorite coming in at number 2: His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. [...]

  70. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) « Writing English (tags: Humor Funny writing english language Fun List) [...]

  71. [...] Click Here to Read This Article [...]

  72. LMAO. These are sooo funny, like jokes. :/

    Thanks! :D

  73. 1. Beautiful site!
    2. Awesome post! Extremely funny

  74. Most amusing, but obviously fake. The syntax is very similar.

  75. [...] Not much to say other than these are hilarious. Check it out: Funny Analogies. [...]

  76. [...] These “25 funniest/worst analogies” by High School students have circulated in dozens of places, and I’ve probably seen them more times than I can count — probably you have, too. Fortunately, they’re not only funny, but great examples of what not to do; and possibly off-beat enough to inspire some new ideas of their own. [...]

  77. These are all entries in a Style Invitational contest in the Washington Post. Readers were invited to submit their own bad analogies.

    http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/analogy.html

  78. [...] Since Shanley isn’t keeping up the quote collection, I guess I need to post this. Analogies collected from High School English classes. [...]

  79. To quote Douglas Adams: “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

  80. These are AWESOME!!! — first time I’ve seen them and they just made me laugh! Thanks Judy!

  81. this is some FUNNY stuff!

  82. Item 9 is like something that Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett would write. Item 20 is clever.

  83. [...]The 25 Funniest Analogies[...]

  84. [...] I just happen to stumble over this blog post. Amusing analogies made by High-School students. My favorite is no.20. [...]

  85. these were soooo funny! thanks for posting :)

  86. Thanks for posting these! After reading them I laughed so hard, I almost woke up!

  87. they may be made by students. heck, i love to ramble on and make analogies. love them like a fat kid loves cake. not sophisticated and not inventive but ehh!

  88. fake.

  89. Some of the writing on this page, is like dancing on a cloud where there is only open SKI. “TH”

  90. Great is all I can say, enjoyed each and every one of them, but you have to read all of them to enjoy.

  91. [...] Head on here to see what else you’re missing! [...]

  92. [...] I have to share these “funniest analogies” with you. They came in an e-mail from my sister. From here. Here are some of the best ones.. “Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.”, “The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.” and “The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.”…. Pretty poor to be honest! No Comments [...]

  93. This is superb.

  94. The humor in each of the Analogies evoked the same response in me as tepid coffee…not funny.

  95. No mention of P. G. Wodehouse, maybe the funniest English writer ever? Some quotes:

    …like so many substantial Americans, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.

    He spun round with a sort of guilty bound, like an adagio dancer surprised while watering the cat’s milk.

    …Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across premieval swamps…

    I turned to Aunt Agatha, whose demeanour was now rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the down express in the small of the back.

    Jeeves lugged my purple socks out of the drawer as if he were a vegetarian fishing a caterpillar out of his salad.

    I once got engaged to his daughter Honoria, a ghastly dynamic exhibit who read Nietzsche and had a laugh like waves breaking on a stern and rockbound coast.

    Honoria, you see, is one of those robust, dynamic girls with the muscles of a welterweight and a laugh like a squadron of cavalry charging over a tin bridge.

    The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say `When!’

    She fitted into my biggest armchair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing armchairs tight about the hips that season.

    She looked like a tomato struggling for self-expression.

    He was, as I had already been able to perceive, a breath-taking cove. About seven feet in height, and swathed in a plaid ulster which made him look about six feet across, he caught the eye and arrested it. It was as if Nature had intended to make a gorilla and had changed its mind at the last moment.

  96. [...] Well, I know there’s been too many off-topic posts on FoEM already, but I’d like to share this link of 25 funniest analogies.  We’ve had the annual bad sex in fiction award, but I don’t believe we’ve had any bad analogy awards as yet.  If there was such a thing, I’d think I’d vote for this one: He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up [...]

  97. These ARE winners and honourable mentions in a bad-analogy contest for grownups (Washington Post Style Invitational), as another poster has mentioned already today. 1. HS students don’t know what analogies, satire, and irony are. 2. With a few notable exceptions, they can’t write for beans. 3. HS students’ humour is of the fart/burp kind.

    • As a high school student, I note that: 1. Grownups notoriously underestimate HS students. 2. HS students learn about all three of those concepts in HS English. 3. Grownups aren’t even supposed to know how to use computers – that’s the domain of “kids these days”.

      • Thank you, Maddie. I learned what irony, analogies, and the difference between similes and metaphors when I was in Middle School. And in case K Black didn’t notice, most adults can’t write worth beans, either. Adults just have better access to editors. It’s a student’s job to learn how to write and edit, and those who don’t learn hire those who do learn. And I must say, most students are offended by burp/fart humor. Some of these I can see as being an attempt and failure in an HS paper. Probably, for a few of these, an adult read the kid’s essay, and plagerized. Or, possibly, they were about to write it in their own essay and thought better of it.

      • This blog is blowing my mind. As I’ve stated multiple times in this blog, I wrote these similes in high school in the mid 80’s as a joke. They were carefully thought out and intended to be absolutely ridiculous. My teacher handed my graded paper back to me with a grin on her face and said, “My husband and I had a good laugh over this.” I can only imagine that the paper was disseminated from them. The Washington Post got a hold of it in the early 90’s, and knew that they could be sued if they printed a high student’s essay without permission, so they made up a fake contest and implied that each simile was submitted by different people. Over the years, people did eventually add their own versions of similes on the internet, some of which appear in the list above, based on my writing style in the original list of similes. Are you telling me that you think that random people around the country who had never met just coincidentally happened to have the exact same writing style and the exact same sense of humor and had nothing better to do than look for simile contests in newspapers and just happened to simultaneously submit their wacky similes at the exact same time? Think about it. People don’t sit around and write goofy similes. Well, now people try to imitate the original list of similes with their own versions. Why would the Washington Post even hold a random “bad simile” contest? Do you really think someone at the Washington Post was sitting at their desk and suddenly got the idea to have a simile contest? That doesn’t make any sense. They would have only gotten the idea to do that by seeing the original list in the first place! And to the Washington Post: thank you for turning my high school essay into a fake contest so you could sell more newspapers.

      • If you are truly the author of these analogies, we all owe you our thanks for making us laugh. There have been so many conflicting claims, that it will probably just be up to each reader to decide who gets the credit. But I believe the Washington Post humor contests are a famous feature that the paper has been running for years. I am not a subscriber, so I don’t keep up with it, but there are other publications as well, such as New York Magazine, that have humor contests similar to the one that purports to have generated the analogies. So your idea that the WaPo ran a random “bad simile’ contest purely out of the blue doesn’t take into consideration their long history. And from reading the contest in New York Magazine, I can tell you that people do send in entries that are every bit as clever and funny as these analogies. The magazine proposes a pattern which people are challenged to follow, so it is no coincidence that all the entries are along the same lines even though they are written by different people.

  98. [...] Via: Writing English [...]

  99. These are great, Danny Wallace a popular comedic writer in England uses analogies for humour, often in cases ending up as stupid as some of the High School examples Above!

    I am of HS age, however I am from England an educated country, so I do know what analogies and satire are. As for irony, have you seen some of the tshirts emo and scene kids wear?

    Many adults have humour of the fart/burp kind, who do you think makes up the jokes on movies and television shows? Obviously not kids because “…they can’t write for beans”

  100. It begs me to ask the eternal question:
    If it takes a man half an hour to walk half a mile, how long does it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

  101. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) « Writing English In case you were stumped for your novel. (tags: Humor Language English Writing) [...]

  102. I think I may stick some of these on my quotes tags.

  103. [...] Source: Writing English Posted by Hobo Filed in Uncategorized [...]

  104. I came back from several days out of town and found dozens of new comments. I won’t be able to answer each one individually. Several of you noted that these analogies weren’t written by high school kids, and come from a Washington Post contest, or seem to all be written by the same person. As the post says, I received them in one of those “joke” e-mails that are in constant circulation, had never read them before, found them very funny, and decided to share. I have no idea where they really come from. I don’t care. I just cared that they made me laugh, and hoped they would do the same for you. Obviously, in most cases, they did. Thank you all for visiting my site, and for taking the time to comment.

  105. some of these are orignally from Jack Handy (the bowling ball one, and the humingbird one). but may have also been used in a paper.

  106. Someone commented that these all sound like they came from the same authour. That’s because most, if not all, of these are from Jack Handey’s Deep Thoughs (remember those from Saturday Day Night Live?).

    These are funny, but it’s copyright violation.

  107. This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. Great compilation.

  108. [...] “From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you ’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30″read more | digg story [...]

  109. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) « Writing English These are genuinely funny:) (tags: blog english entertainment humour language lists analogies humor writing funny) [...]

  110. [...] This is extremely funny, take a look here [...]

  111. [...] Read The 25 Funniest Analogies, because its hilarious! [...]

  112. This is a very funny list. I think I’ve seen something similar in StumbleUpon, n’est-ce pas?

    As I have a lot of teachers in my family these days, I will certainly share this list. Good stuff, and thanks!

  113. [...] Allegedly compiled by high school English teachers, a number of wildly-inappropriate similies taken from student writing. I say allegedly because they’re almost too good to be true. Some commenters also expressed doubts. They claimed they came from the Washington Post, which runs contests soliciting bad writing from its readers; others thought it was the work of Jack Handey. [...]

  114. “These ARE winners and honourable mentions in a bad-analogy contest for grownups (Washington Post Style Invitational), as another poster has mentioned already today. 1. HS students don’t know what analogies, satire, and irony are. 2. With a few notable exceptions, they can’t write for beans. 3. HS students’ humour is of the fart/burp kind. ”

    “I am of HS age, however I am from England an educated country, so I do know what analogies and satire are. As for irony, have you seen some of the tshirts emo and scene kids wear?

    Many adults have humour of the fart/burp kind, who do you think makes up the jokes on movies and television shows? Obviously not kids because “…they can’t write for beans” ”

    I don’t know about American schools, but Canadian highschoolers tend to have a far more sophisticated sense of humour than that. Take it from me, a member of the aforementioned Canadian highschool community.

    We also contain a surprisingly large amateur-writing community, of which I am again a member. I do not personally possess the sense of humour necessary to think these up, but I believe it conceivable of one with the appropriate mindset. I tend to be funnier in the parody form of humour.

  115. [...] So I installed it and got instantly hooked. The first websites that I stumbledupon were bunch of games and other nonsensical but nevertheless great timewasters. I also got a wonderful view of Niagara, lights of our planet earth, a splash of color and a gallery of everything spiral.Also, musicovery and blogmusik served and satisfied the audiophile in me.  Can you believe that I even found out what the whole US of A is playing on their radio right now? Meanwhile, mrpicassohead and artpad  didn’t help me improve my skills, but instead, worsen my frustration for visual arts.  Thank God, I stumbled upon these funny anagrams and analogies that had me laughing for a while.On serious note, I discovered online tools that are very useful, the most notable of which are: the dropboks  that allows you to upload large files that you can access anywhere, and the iptools, that help you analyze ip address, domain, and other network related stuff.  I also got tips on how to design my coffee and a nice guitar lessons.  And yeah, I now have a new place to search for free books.When it comes to search, don’t limit yourself with google, quotiki searches for quotes, codefetch for source codes, lyricsfly for lyrics. Then there’s another one that searches for album covers.  If you’re looking for God, check out His Yellow Pages to keep in touch with Him.While I can put a lot more links here,  I will not.  I want you to  discover the best of  the world wide web.  Now that I’m done, can I go back to work now?  [...]

  116. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) (from Digg) – I have to share these “funniest analogies” with you. They came in an e-mail from my sister. She got them from a cousin, who got them from a friend, who got them from… so they are circulating around. My apologies if you have already seen them. Here are the ones I found very funny: [...]

  117. Although these are extremely funny, this list has been circulating since the 90s. Had the list snail mailed to me back then, and I have shared them with my gifted middle school students. I wish that whoever created THIS list would come up with some new ones because these really are a hoot. Not a chance that real language arts teachers got these from real students…..

  118. I am not native English speaker. I am even very bad English speaker. But it is fantastic…
    Especially that one about sneezing…

  119. Ryan: There is no copyright violation. These analogies, which have apparently been circulating for more than a decade, can be shared under the Doctrine of Fair Use. According to my research (I’m not a lawyer) U.S. Copyright law allows use of copyrighted material under certain conditions, two of which are that the material is not used for commercial purposes and that the material is used for illustration or comment. This is a simplified explanation, but I think the principles apply.

    If you think about it, the whole world of blogging rests on the Doctrine of Fair Use. Imagine if you couldn’t quote from articles or share photos and videos. Bloggers would be shut down in an instant. Using material for comment (which is pretty much what blogging is all about), and receiving no commercial gain from quoted materials, are the key points for me.

  120. For those of you who say these analogies couldn’t possibly have been written by high school students, I confess that when I first read them, many sounded like the writing of talented humorists to me. And some reminded me of the funny lines I often find in murder mysteries by Lawrence Block (especially the Bernie Rhodenbarr series). But who’s to say that there are no high school students out there with a real flair for humor? And who’s to say that there are no students who are just dumb enough to write something terrible that turns out to be really funny? There is quite a bit of discussion in these comments regarding the source. But wherever they come from, just relax and enjoy them for the laughs they provide. That’s why I posted them in the first place (after I got back up off the floor).

  121. Lots of Douglas Adams here – the king of useless and hilarious analogies

  122. Hi, I like your blog it is simple yet elegant. I am blogging for BNN and have just started to learn about blogging. I have one on Word Press but not doing anything with it as yet nor the one I have on blogit.com which I am doing more with. I think the kids are hilarious and certainly grab a surfer’s attention. Keep up the good work for you are right on in your approach since as that old cliche goes about teaching old dogs….

  123. [...] The 25 funniest analogies. :-) [...]

  124. Haha, this is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. Thanks.

  125. [...] עיתונותגיקית מספק קישור לפוסט המציג 25 אנלוגיות משעשעות במיוחד בשפה האנגלית שנאספו על ידי מורים לאנגלית (שככל הנראה קראו חיבורים של תלמידים). הנה כמה אנלוגיות לדוגמה (בתרגום חופשי): [...]

  126. > Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    Absof***inglutely brilliant! Nothing more to say…

  127. I’m in tears. Hysterical.

  128. [...] Simply hilarious: The 25 Funniest Analogies [...]

  129. For me, I mentally categorising the different humourous elements in each quote. I thought that several quotes sounded like what an author could have come up with. Such as the following:

    18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    I think the snide insults and ironic reversals are typical of some authors. (Like DNA)

  130. Seems like these kids have been reading their fair share of Norm Macdonald and Douglas Adams.

  131. Too farking funny. #14 sounds just like something I’d make up during an essay test out of boredom.

  132. Hi Ponyman,
    Thanks for what you said about my blog and my work. Enjoy the development of your own.

  133. To all of you who’ve linked and pingback-ed, thanks!
    To all who are falling off your chairs, be careful and don’t break anything!
    …or cracking up at your desks, try not to get fired.

    Don’t you just love it when something is funny enough to do that to you?

  134. This is indeed yet another example of taking (polite-speak for stealing) material from The Style Invitational, a weekly column in the Style section of the Washington Post which has numerous regular contributors. Proper credit should be paid to the authors and source. The humor isn’t diminished by mis-labeling it, but still…

  135. For those who found these amusing (what an understatement), I suggest a visit to
    http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/ which is an annual contest:

    “Since 1982 the English Department at San Jose State University has sponsored the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.”

    Each year has true gems from all over the world.

  136. Dear John: I didn’t steal them. I just posted the content of a funny e-mail. (One reader has commented that these have been circulating since the 1990s.) I had no reason to question whether they really came from high school students. I took the title at face value. After I picked myself up off the floor, I wanted to share them with my readers.

    Your comment mentioned yet another source, one among many that have been cited as the origin of these analogies. Evidently, there are many collections of funny analogies and other humorous turns of phrase, and many authors who have a particular flair for this kind of writing. I would gladly give credit if I were certain where this specific group originally came from. But I’m not. So I’ll just say to the writers, whether high school students, contestants, or published authors, thanks for making me (and roughly 120,000 other people who have read them on my site) laugh.

  137. This was hilarious !! Made me laugh out loud when I was at work. :)

  138. Good lord, people, I’m from Ukraine, so english’s not my native, but those still made me cry from laugh…

  139. [...] There is this email that has been circulating.  It lists 25 funniest analogies/metaphors collected from (supposedly) actual high school essays. (Many commentors of this blog believed they were actually written by established writers, and not simple misuse of English language by high school students.) [...]

  140. It was traditional at my secondary school for the staff to collect such items from the students’ exams. These were then peppered throughout the school yearbook, among the announcements of prizes won and pictures of people’s artwork. Each year, as publication of the book came closer, pupils all over the school started to get nervous that their faux pas would be chosen.

    I have a number of years’-worth of such yearbooks, containing reams of similar cock-ups and, while I can’t confirm the veracity of the ones on this page, I can state with certainty that kids can and do come up with some astonishing things when asked to write.

    As an example, I leave you with just one such gem, from the yearbook of 1982: “Shakespeare took up writing plays and probably started with ‘Love’s Labours Lost’ or ‘Kiss Me Kate’. Much of his work was written after his death.”

    Enjoy!

  141. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) « Writing English Excuse me while I go throw up from my stomach trembling so hard. This list is hilarious beyond belief. (tags: humor toread omfg rotflmao) [...]

  142. Greetings!
    A delightful selection, no matter from whence it
    comes or whither it goes. Nos. 4 & 5 were good,
    but Nos.12, 13, & 14 had me chuckling and chortling so that m’wife came in to see if I were
    A-o.k. M’son-in-law, an editor and professional
    writer would chastise me for this next remark, but
    I do not see the error of failing to “give credit”
    where credit may be due. Were every remark were
    to be thus annotated, why I suppose all the world
    would be filled with cross-referenced material.
    Blessings, R E LANGFORD JR (ret.)

  143. Andrea: I loved the Shakespeare example you gave. Amidst all this controversy over the origin of the analogies, thank you for defending goofy kids everywhere.

  144. Reverend Langford: I’m in favor of crediting copyrighted work, and in freely sharing public domain work, both under the Doctrine of Fair Use which I mentioned about 25 comments ago. But I applaud your sentiment and as a reader, would probably never bother to wade through text where the thought was constantly interrupted by citations and footnotes. Imagine all the work a person would have to do before getting to the punchline, which would then be flatter than a flounder. This doesn’t hold for scholarly work, or work for profit, but on blogs written for the sake of commentary and fun, I think it’s okay. Thanks for writing.

  145. To the writer from “Life – it is a Travesty”, and all the others who experienced streaming tears, trembling stomachs, falling off chairs, and the other dangers of reading these analogies: Who would have imagined that I would cause so much physical chaos to so many people in so many countries just by passing along a few jokes? If, for the rest of my life, every tear I cause is shed in laughter, it will be a most wonderful achievement.

  146. I laughed like a small child surprised by someone making a funny face and the persons face was not funny looking enough to be scary.

  147. Hi eCitizen: It’s hard to write one that’s as funny as the ones that happened by accident.

  148. [...] Well, today a terrible thing happened… Freida and her family left for Kenya. I’m not sure when they are coming back, but they will be gone for nearly forever. Today Mrs. I gave the Composition class a list of the 25 Funniest Analogies. I’m sure that John would be thrilled to talk to you about them. Also this afternoon, a bunch of us practiced our music assignment in the library at school. It actually sounded very nice at the end, some of the time. As you may have noticed, I have a new design as the template for my homepage. I have had some feedback, but unfortunately most was negative. Before I start on a new one, please comment on what you would like it to look like. I may or may not choose to clone it, but I want my design to be something that most of my readers like. [...]

  149. [...] Innan jag går tänkte jag bara ge dig ett länktips http://writingenglish.wordpress.com/2006/09/12/the-25-funniest-analogies-collected-by-high-school-english-teachers/ [...]

  150. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) « Writing English 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. [...]

  151. Giggling? Chuckling? Is that all you folks could muster up? I nearly cracked some ribs! These were great and have changed the whole outlook on the rest of my day!

  152. Thanks Debora, that’s very nice to hear.

  153. Number eighteen: “Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.” Is actually a very good metaphor.

  154. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) [...]

  155. This was so funny. Well done! Great GiGl!
    You can find more funny stuff here too.
    It’s like Digg but only for laughs.
    This article was GiGld on GiGld.com

  156. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) « Writing English The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) -… they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writ (tags: writers blogs funny teachers kids articles quotes entertainment) [...]

  157. My English teacher read these to us in class, and then I stumbled upon them on the web. Hm.

  158. This is so funny, even for a 42-year old girl from the Netherlands! Lol! I’ll go to bed smiling now, and will show this to my (language loving) friends and family, tomorrow! Thnx!

  159. “Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.”

    Sounds like someone has been infected by the algebra bug; not surprising if it was exam season.

  160. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies [...]

  161. [...] I read this post and found it hilarious some of the analogies that people created. Numbers 9 and 10 are pretty good ones: [...]

  162. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) « Writing English [...]

  163. I love the one about the hummingbirds. I’d like to shake that person’s hand. The one about the bowling ball, however, smacks of being ripped from SF/humor writer Douglas Adams, who decribed, in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a fleet of spaceships which “hung in the air in exactly the same way that bricks don’t.”

  164. These analogies are not only very funny, they show how people connect ideas to each other in another way than we learn. It’s fascinating. These children are creative thinkers.

  165. I needed a good laugh today :)

  166. This list is as funny as that strange guy that hangs around after school to watch high school football practice even though he doesn’t have any kids.

  167. “This list is as funny as that strange guy that hangs around after school to watch high school football practice even though he doesn’t have any kids.”

    Fortunately, they were all funnier than you are. :-)

  168. Everybody tries to describe this, but it’s (this is gonna suck) as impossible as gas prices going back down. (i know it sucks but it’s true :-D)

  169. The biggest joke is that it keeps popping up all over my hard disk. Any idea how I can delete the damn thing?

    H/W

  170. Read this one somewhere. Author unknown.

    “She was stacked like a fat man’s plate at a one time through smorgasbord.”

  171. Hi Herb: I have no idea how that happened, or what to do. Perhaps some other readers can help. Anybody?

  172. Funny! Reminded me of a hotel signboard in Tokyo: “Please take advantage of the waitress.” Cheers!

  173. Similes, you mean?

    • Re: “Similies, you mean?”

      No, smilies, I mean.

  174. Hi Stephan: When the e-mail originally came to me, it was entitled “25 Funniest Metaphors,” but they are not metaphors. Most of them are similes, but not all. Since both similes and metaphors are subsets of analogies, it seemed most correct to just call them analogies.

  175. [...] Over at Writing English, I happen to fall on this post about 25 funny analogies. They’re tagged as the 25 funniest, and I don’t know that I haven’t read funnier ones than that, but they’re pretty funny. Those analogies were collected ty High School teachers. Here are some of my favorites: [...]

  176. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) Posted in bookmarks | Trackback | del.icio.us [...]

  177. [...] Here’s a list of the 25 funniest Analogies (Collected by English Teachers). [...]

  178. Who cares if they are from highschool papers or not. They are funny none the less. Gave me a good chuckle and put a smile on my face

  179. Here I sit in an empty school trying to get some work done over the holiday break. If anyone walks by, he will think I am insane – these are truly laugh-out-loud funny!

  180. [...] 25 funniest analogies collected by high school english teachers [...]

  181. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) [...]

  182. Wow. I was searching for humor on the web when I came across this list. It is awesome. Really well written, and bliss to read. And, this is coming from someone who had been in the comedy field for more than 20 years.

    Keep up the good work!
    Stan.

  183. Thank you, Stan. I wish I could take credit for the analogies, but I’m just the messenger.

  184. [...] happen to appreciate the true art of a well turned phrase, then you won't want to miss this: 25 funny analogies collected by high-school English teachers. (My favorite? Probably #24.)=====”I will not go 10,000 miles from here to help murder and kill [...]

  185. This is exelllent! It makes me want to follow suit. This list is just sublime silliness.

    I don’t have an analogy to add, but I did have a student who began a paragraph in an economics assignment ach with “I may not know what I’m talking about, but that just proves my point.” Needless to say, it didn’t really prove her point at all, through she was right that she didn’t know what she was talking about.

  186. Hi Daniel,
    I love your contribution, so I think we should start a new list and not limit it to analogies. Currently, your entry is at No. 1.

    Do any other teachers out there have something to add?

  187. Wow, so cool! Being a high-schooler myself, I know what some kids can come up with.

    In regards to a previous comment:

    “1. HS students don’t know what analogies, satire, and irony are. 2. With a few notable exceptions, they can’t write for beans. 3. HS students’ humour is of the fart/burp kind.”

    1 – I know what analogies, satire and irony are, as do all of the kids at my school.
    2 – A lot of the students in my school write in their spare time, some even published.
    3 – High-school humour has nothing to with that of the fart/burp kind. I’d much rather share a joke with a sarcastic or intelligent person than one who jokes about farts.

    Thankyou for the wonderful reading! They were great!

  188. Hi, Teagen: I’m glad you enjoyed the analogies. I know there are lots of kids out there who are developing good writing skills, along with an appreciation for clever humor. Sometimes, when you’re in a silly mood, juvenile humor is funny too. But I would hate to be limited to that. It gets old really fast. Like you, I prefer something that registers in the more evolved portions of my brain. Thanks for writing.

  189. you people write waaaaaaaaaaay to many comments

  190. Sounds like things that could have been used by Lesley Nielson in the Naked Gun movies. lol

  191. Very funny… don’t care where they came from. And by the way, high schoolers are often VERY sophisticated writers. The fart/burp humor is more often associated with the middle school crowd. Take it from a sixth grade teacher… I know!

  192. how about: “It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.”

    -Brian Broadus, Charlottesville

  193. Those were absolutely stellar.

  194. That was hilarious. Thank you for the laugh; I now just HAVE to share this with others.

  195. Funniest frikin stuff i have heard in a while. nice job guyssss.
    kudos from mee. :]

    keep it real.

  196. I wonder if the teacher who collected #9 realizes that it is very similar to a line from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

  197. Hi Bether, If you look back at some of the earlier comments, you’ll see that a few others mentioned the same thing.

  198. To clarify: These hilarious analogies, all written by very funny and clever adults (at least chronological adults), are indeed among the winners of two Style Invitational bad-analogy contests that ran in The Washington Post in 1995 and 1999. Stay tuned for a reprise of the contest in the next few weeks.

    The Invitational, written and judged by an anonymous Empress, runs every Sunday in The Post and features a wide variety of humor contests, from wordplay to song parodies to funny photos. The humor ranges from highbrow to lowbrow, and is by far the edgiest material in The Post. You can see the current Invitational and about 100 past contests at http://www.washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.

    The Empress

  199. Thank you, Empress. You’ve given us the definitive answer to where the analogies really came from.

  200. [...] in the tradition of those “funny analogies collected by high school teachers” (which, if you're anything like me, you've had e-mailed [...]

  201. It appears that some of these students should be teaching the classes! Many of those are hilarious!

  202. I am a high school teacher, and I absolutely loved these analogies. I have been in elementary for a long time, and this is my first year at the high school level. I can just imagine students making comments like these. Would it be possible to send a copy my way? shaverr@brevard.k12.fl.us

  203. I like the quote: “John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.” I wonder what they were thinking . . .

  204. My high school teacher actually shared these with us, he mention that number three is something I might write. Don’t know how I feel about that.

  205. This is just A WASTE of space, im a student in yr 10/High School in England London. Reading this is just useless. I don’t see how you can make a joke out of this. What if the pupil was very proud of this work and your sitting there making jokes out of it. Is this not what YOU teachers teach US. I’m ashamed of you teachers.

  206. Hi J.E.O.,
    Take a breath. First of all, it turns out these are part of a Washington Post humor contest. That means they’re the best, not the worst. If you read all the other comments here, you’ll see that almost everybody found these analogies extremely funny. So they did the job.
    I, for one, think they are wonderful (no matter what the title of the original e-mail was), which is why I posted them.
    P.S. Kids can be funny when they don’t mean to. That’s part of their charm.

  207. This is some funny stuff and yes it was a contest for the worst analogies so the teachers are not making fun of them.

    10 is my favorite!

  208. Hi Shawn,
    I like #10 too. They always cut away just before that shot in the detective shows.

  209. I received this today from a friend.

    Having your post mass e-mailed around the country must help the blog traffic!

    Very funny indeed!

  210. Same as Coram Deo…

  211. Coram Deo and Status,
    You’re right. I’m not sure why it happened, but everybody seemed to pick up on this post.

  212. First I snickered, then I laughed, then I forwarded, then I read some more. Like the electrons running my machine, I touched each one and felt lit up from each. As the binary code embedded in all turned me from off to on I laughed. I did indeed giggle, I surely smiled and now I am happy.

    Thanks for this, this collection of analogies that bring me to tears. Like tears….

  213. ha ha mmm I need to forward this to my friends

  214. I’m doing homework on analogies when I stumbled across this site. Now I have had a laugh and now I have an idea what an analogy is.

  215. A friend in Venice (Italy) e-mailed me your list of Metaphors and Analogies and I actually laughed out loud. As I teach a course for adults in short story writing, I’ll most certainly xerox these for the class. I hope this is acceptable to you (and that you’ll make them available to me in the future).
    Am delighted to find your site and will pay attention to it in the future.
    Cordially,
    Richard de Combray

  216. Hi Richard,
    Thanks for your comment. I hope your class enjoys the Analogies.

  217. A friend of mine posted those analogies in her own blog (she cited the source, so don’t worry). It’s how I found this blog and now I’m sure I’m going to spend a lot of my time reading this blog’s content. Keep up the good work, Judy!

    As for the analogies, here are a few more that I have found in the internet (mostly from game review sites). Note that some of them aren’t really analogies, but just the same, I find them very funny:

    “It’s not that the game gets anything really wrong, it’s just that it never tries to achieve. It’s so thoroughly vanilla that excitement seems to be as unreachable as peace in the Middle East.”

    “To equip my double pistols and start mashing the button like a pubescent choirgirl with a copy of Teen People.”

    “Unlimited Saga is so boring and tedious to play that it borders on torture, and I could hardly forget that every minute playing it could have been spent with something far more enjoyable—like getting a double habanero enema followed by a broken glass chaser, or wearing a loincloth made of beef liver and leaping naked into a pit of syphilitic rottweillers.”

    “The game was so confusing and such a mess that I could not finish it or even make much progress. If your kids can figure this game out, put them into your school’s “gifted” program and start saving up for college.”

    “It’s uninspired, uninteresting, and shows less sophistication than a Baby Einstein video.”

    “Why are all these critics praising a woman whose voice is so irritating that upon listening to it you would rather be at a three hour lecture on the biology of laughter taught by Fran Drescher?”

  218. Hi Jou,
    Thanks for reading my blog, and for taking the trouble to share some other analogies you like.
    Judy

  219. Some of these analogies make me as nervous as an albino penguin in a bowling alley.

  220. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    Thats bang on!!

  221. SOOOOO FUNNYYYY!!!!

  222. Thanks!

    I chortled and snorted my way through this list. And now, i’m wondering, how many of those i have in my hw that the teachers laugh at? hmm.. hehe.

  223. These are not from kids, they are adults writing in the BL awards, you should fix up the attribution.

  224. Hi iibnf,
    It’s all covered in the comments. They’re from the Washington Post.
    Judy

  225. Fantastic!

    Dinesh.
    Quotes Collection : Collection & Compilation

  226. Bookmarked.

  227. [...] well, I’m not too good at similies (thought I really wish I were!), but I did come across a list of hilarious ones while looking, just not one to fit here. Anyway, it’s been real fun, but feels good to get [...]

  228. [...] pretty neat high school analogies over at the Writing English WordPress blog. 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently [...]

  229. These were hilarious. Thank you for not wasting my time. I enjoyed these.

  230. These are really funny, like falling in a tub of old worn out grease from McDonalds fryers and forgetting to put out your cigar so the whole town goes kablooey!

  231. “She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.”

    That’s too funny.

  232. I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking coffee when I read these…..they were great! I had to wipe tears from my eyes from laughing so hard. Thanks again for posting these, you made my day!

  233. Hi Diana,
    I had the exact same reaction when I first read them. That’s why I decided to post them on an otherwise serious blog. I couldn’t just keep them to myself.

  234. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
    – genius

  235. This was wonderful! I am a writer of historical fiction and romance and these had me busting a gut. Can’t you just see an new version of Mr. Darcy and Elisabeth:

    She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

    Thanks for sharing!
    Jennifer

  236. 1 word; funny.

  237. This was fantastic!! I am a grade 9 student in Brisbane, and we have an english assignment about comedy, and this was absolutely perfect inspiraton!

    Judy Rose, you are awesome and i hope you keeps compiling hilarious lists like this one!

    Thankyou!!!

  238. Great thoughts of students in HS. Creativity could rlly have gotten these kids some extra points

  239. [...] read more | digg story [...]

  240. omg! these were so cute! i really liked them :D exspecially(sp?)”9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.” these were awesome.some of them sounded like somthing id put to. mainly to make my teachers mad.ya know.

  241. Great post ;)

  242. These are not analogies, they are similies.

  243. Hi Dana,
    Your comment has come up before, but I’ll explain again. Yes, most of them are similes. When the list first came to me, it was called “The 25 Funniest Metaphors…,” but that was clearly not correct. They were not all strictly similes either (see No. 19), so I decided to call them analogies, which merely indicates that they contain expressions of similarity or comparison between things.

  244. Hi..just stopping by to say a Happy New Year…interesting post there, and i’ve bookmarked this blog too…keep up the good job ;)

  245. cool!

  246. i cant remember who it was but there was one kid in my class who wrote “School is like giving a kid with short- term memory loss a birthday present.”

  247. LOL. Taken from the school essay? Hahaahaa…what would the teacher think? (or they fainted?)

    Thanks for bringing such joy to us. Thank you!

  248. Funny!

  249. too too funny!

  250. I had to make some analogies for rhetoric. Shooweeeee.

    Rhetorical persuasion is like trying to scare a baby. When fancy words fail, screaming and flailing always work.

    Arrogant people are like pencil sharpeners, they always have a point to make.

    America is like a peanut because they were both invented by guys named George Washington.

    The balloon inflated like tech stocks during the dot com boom.

  251. too funnyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

  252. haha – kids!

    A colony of E-coli i like! :)

  253. This list is at least 10 years old, but it’s still funny. This site must be dedicated to Hillary Clinton, Carlos Mencia and other great plagiarizers.

  254. [...] More here… Other Ways to Share This Article [...]

  255. [...] All the usual disclaimers about claims made in a forwarded email apply. And it’s a couple of years old. But still, these made me laugh. [...]

  256. [...] Web sites that education instructors could share with students. The first is a humorous site: The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers), which offers actual student-written analogies that [...]

  257. Your students write analogies like Luke Skywalker makes macaroni and cheese.

  258. Number 9 is very similar to a Douglas Adams line from “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”

    “They hung in the air exactly the way bricks don’t.”

  259. Nice article, I really appreciate your sharing!

  260. [...] These analogies may or may not actually be written by high school students, but many of them are very funny. [...]

  261. lol some of these were funny but some i didnt get but they had me n my buddy lol

  262. Great analogies :)..Some were funny

  263. omg. this killed me. i swear. they were hilarious. :D. jst plain brillian. utterly brilliant. XD

  264. I enjoyed reading these excerpts thoroughly. Good job!

  265. “6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.”

    LOL.

  266. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies [...]

  267. This was so funny to read – thanks for posting this! :)

  268. I’m a student in a 10th grade English III, Honors Lit, Pre-AP, or whatever you would like to call it-class and our teacher gave each of us a copy of this post, and I have to say, I laughed so hard I cried. Being on a high-school level, and knowing the pressures of having to write grade-saving essays, I know how hard it is to come up with material to use, and analogies are particularly hard to come up with. Especially ones that are well-said, and that everyone can relate with. So when kids like us come up with crazy analogies, give us a little slack =P. But I also have to sit back and say “Wow…” to whoever said these. Hopefully this blog won’t give people the wrong impression about highschoolers….haha.

  269. Hi Reilly,
    The only impression these analogies could give me is that whoever wrote them, there was comic genius involved. I hate to burst the bubble, but it turns out they probably weren’t written by H.S. kids at all. Some people who sent comments say they were part of a humor contest in the Washington Post. No wonder these were the winners. But don’t be discouraged. I’ve seen some pretty creative and funny stuff written by people your age. Maybe your teacher will assign the class to come up with your own list. If that happens, I hope you’ll send it to me.
    Judy

  270. Thank you for the good articles have helped me a lot.

  271. [...] Rose, who blogs at Writing English, has a very funny post up today, which collects a series of anguished analogies from high school student essays (or so we’re [...]

  272. [...] funniest analogies from high school essays, from Writing English. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer [...]

  273. [...] November 29, 2007 — loona lolz0rs Posted in Abstract, School. Tags: 25 funniest analogies, english, [...]

  274. it is funny and i liked it

  275. umm these are similies. not analogies. but theyre still funny

  276. Hi Emilie,
    They aren’t all similes (see 9, 15, 19, and 21) so I used the broader term “analogies.” And yes, they’re funny no matter what we call them. -Judy

  277. These are great. They make me think that the stories attached to them must be equally hilarious. Somebody has a future at the Harvard Lampoon

  278. I do believe that these analogies are really from high school students. I received this list, complete with the student’s names and the states where they lived, from my Creative Writing Professor back in the fall of 2004. I have it posted at my website.

    http://www.jacquelynfisher.com/writing/aaw/humorousanalogies.php

  279. Dear Judy Rose,

    Your blog post made my day. Coupled with the brilliant smile of yours, I did enjoy the show :)…My favorite amongst the lot is:

    #21.The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

    Although I dont write often but maybe you can check out my blog and leave me some writing tips :)…Keep up the good work. Appreciate your candour.

    thanks,
    Shamit

  280. doumo_arigatou

  281. “The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.” This is a good one by my standards. The student obviously read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and applied literary devices used by a best-selling author. I like it. Creative.

  282. If anyone cares about proper attribution, the names of the original authors of these amusing analogies can be found on the following webpage:

    Week 310: It’s Like This

    As you might notice, they were originally published on Sunday, March 14, 1999 (that is, less than ten years ago, but several years before the commentator named Jacquelyn received her list from her Creative Writing Professor in the fall of 2004), and each analogy is accompanied by the name and city of the original author. (Incidentally, I don’t see “Jack Handey” anywhere on that page.)

    You might also notice that many of the winning entries do not appear in the list that has the bogus title, “The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)”. If someone wants to publish a list of 25 of their personal favorites, there is no reason why the names of the original authors cannot be included in their list. Well, unless their reason is that they’re just too lazy, or they think it would spoil the effect if we knew that none of the analogies were actually collected by high school English teachers. I suppose there’s an excuse for everything. But it is not a good practice to insist that proper attribution is not important.

    • Thank-you. I’ve always wondered where the original list came from.

  283. I’m sorry that the link does not work. Click on my name to make the Washington Post webpage appear.

    Here is one of my own favorites:

    “And Last: Joe was frustrated, like a man who thought his claim to fame was occasional appearances in a weekly humor contest, but in fact is known to millions as a stupid high school student who writes unintentionally humorous bad analogies. (Joseph Romm, Washington)”

  284. Okay, Jiffer. The post is updated to so that people will know who the real culprits are. Thanks.

  285. LOL, thank you so much for the website! I love the hummingbird one. xD

  286. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. haha genius.

  287. This was *hilarious*. Side-splitting, pure genius, humor. Brilliant.

  288. Worst 25 analogies I’ve ever read. Not funny at all, definitly written by a english dropout.

    • “a english dropout”

      • Well that alone was almost as funny as all of these wonderful analogies. Points to Joe seeing it.

        “a english dropout”
        xD

  289. The Bulwer-Lytton contest has a lot of entries like these all the time.

    http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

  290. These really were funny. No matter when they were originally printed. :-) Thanks for sharing, I needed this laugh.

    D.L.Sparks

  291. [...] next time, I will leave you with a thought. I came upon this blog, which listed funny quotes taken from highschool essays…and this one reminded me of my plan, for [...]

  292. I came across this while browsing the WiFi in the 35-mph train from Topeka on my way to Cleveland and laughed so hard that the woman with Kerrigan teeth sitting across shot a circular saw glare my direction just as such old, closed minded women who watch Jeopardy at 7:30 are wont to do. I gave her the “whatever” return glare as if looking at the sun through a pin hole box, but when the sun wasn’t there.

  293. Many of these are too funny to be unintentional. And, in which case, the writers have a potential career in the comedy business.

    When I was in high school there were a few fellow students who had a sense of humor sharp enough to create analogies like these. Especially the ones that are particularly convoluted and awkward.

  294. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    How does a high school student have a brother-in-law?

    and…

    11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

    Sadly, that isn’t possible, due to time zones being one hour apart, not a half hour.

    • Sadly, you’re mistaken, particularly in Canada. Many are at 30 minutes or even 45 – but not in the USA.

      • A HS student can have a brother-in-law if they have an older sister who is married. It’s like umm, you know, a law or something.

  295. Hi Lucas,
    The update at the top of the post indicates that these were part of a humor contest, not the writing of high school students. But even so, they are fiction. Writers often write about things they themselves have never experienced. If it were a requirement that you had to live it before you could write about it, the bookstores would be empty. As for Jeopardy, the analogy said nothing about time zones – you assumed that on your own. Different local stations show syndicated programs like Jeopardy at different times.
    You’re taking this whole thing far too seriously.

  296. Sorry Judy.

  297. No need to apologize, Lucas. I knew you were just being analytical. I only wanted to give you a different way of looking at it. Don’t forget to have fun with these. They were supposed to make you laugh. Did they?

  298. This was such a funny website!!! I laughed a ton! Great job collecting! Please add more… I will come back to laugh more! And definitely will tell people to look at this…

  299. Hello Judy,

    I guess there really is a “first time” for everything. My first blog post/response and I’m on the “downhill side of 50″.

    You cannot be serious when you say you have never heard of Terry Pratchett! That’s like saying you have never read any of Douglas Adams work!

    Lar

  300. omg..i love this website. you guys are the bomb. i love this website. its super funny & humerous. i’ll be back.

  301. Hey Lucas…the brother-in-law issue. You know, my sister’s husband is my brother-in-law. When I was in high school, my sister had been married for six years and was expecting her second child.

  302. I laughed my butt off…good stuff!!!

  303. I don’t know why someone would argue they are coming from other places, really not that clever to fight over… in my opinion.

  304. [...] writingenglish.wordpress.com [...]

  305. what are analogies actually?

    https://4mgiselle.wordpress.com

  306. Play on words, ironic statements – this is all really great stuff. You’re absolutely right – some of these could translate into some great jokes. Though many of these examples are sort of “poor” writing, when utilized correctly they are comedy gold. In fact, I think that’s how I sort of fell into stand-up myself.

    -Len

    http://lenyarea.wordpress.com/

  307. this is really great stuff. my daugher in primary was excited, can you send me more
    esther in mbale uganda

  308. Hi Giselle,
    An analogy is a comparison between different things that share some similarity. You’ll find more information on this if you go to Dictionary.com, here: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/analogy.
    Judy

  309. Hi Giselle,
    An analogy is a comparison between different things that share some similarity. You’ll find more information on this if you go to Dictionary.com, here: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/analogy.
    Judy

  310. Hi Esther,
    I’m glad your daughter enjoyed the analogies, but the ones I posted are the only ones I have. Maybe it would be a good project for her to do a search for more.
    Judy

  311. Thanks Judy.. I was just a bit confused upon going through all the different grammar pieces..

    http://4mgiselle.wordpress.com

  312. [...] From Writing English [...]

  313. [...] Post, writing Great comedic writing can often come unexpectedly, like from these samples of analogies “collected by High School English teachers.” And by High School English teachers, I mean that these analogies are the winning entries in a 1999 [...]

  314. I enjoyed all these analogies.When I read them I came out of the doldrums like a wad of snot from a sick kids nose.

  315. are these really analogies???
    they are more of similies and metaphors.

  316. Hi Dohhee,

    Look at the definition I gave Giselle (above). Similes and metaphors fit into the category of analogies.

    Judy

  317. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) « Writing English [...]

  318. Is there washington post article has all of the entries? As Jiffer stated, the 25 top list has different entries than the post article.

    I also received a top 25 analogies list by email, but included an extra 5 that I believe aren’t apart of this blog post:

    26. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

    27. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

    28. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

    29. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

    30. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

    31. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

    *32. The moon hung low like a testicle in the sky.

    *33. It was like giving them all candy, except instead of candy he killed them.

  319. Those are great.

  320. lawlz @ u

  321. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) [...]

  322. i love ur analogies they are asome! …..lol!

  323. it’s wonderful imagination

  324. Hello,
    I think these are hilarious! I have a blog at http://mychristiandiary.blogspot.com and I would love to post these on my blog if it would be ok with you. I will not without your permission. Please contact me at my email given above.
    Thank you,
    Donna Bragg

  325. They were so funny, I laughed like a hyena who was told a funny joke, and actually understood it, even though they don’t understand anything anyone says, especially people.

  326. very nice works.

  327. lol, VERY FUNNY

  328. is this a joke?
    The solar eclipse blinding was the most unevocative and convoluted piece of rhetoric and I fail to understand its acclaim.
    Some were good, others not, but none were exemplary

  329. OMG!!!! =] this one made me almost pee in my pants

  330. Nice Blog! Well most of your content is original and informative.

  331. Nice post.

  332. [...] sent me this list of 25 funny analogies.  The analogies are the winning entries to a writing contest by The [...]

  333. Heres another analogy for you:

    He tilted his head like a boy who tilts his head to eat a taco.

    This was on a 9th graders english paper that I read.

  334. Thats so hilarious Nicole! It reminds me of an analogy that I’ve read:

    She was very small, like one of those bumblebee hummingbirds that is smaller than a dime, except she was bigger than a dime.

  335. hahaha Nicole and Briana those were hilarious

  336. Omg! If I did that on my paper, I would totally fail!

  337. haha number 2,3,6,7 and the one with jepordy and hell all the other ones were great i wish i knew the kids that wrote these

  338. Really really good… Hey, with your permission, I would like to repost these on my blog too =) These made me roll on the floor laughing… like… one of those exercise ball thingies… well, if it could laugh, and if it could roll of it’s own volition =)

  339. jajaja this list is so kool the guys who made this are genius

  340. Personal favorite: “His maturity level was like an old milk carton. At first glance, it looked brand new. But once you open it, it’s a lot older than you thought”

  341. Sweet blog. I never know what I am going to come across next. I think you should do more posting as you have some pretty intelligent stuff to say.

  342. These are soooo hilarious!!! What were these studends thinking??? haha I especially like numbers 7,9,and 22.

  343. Hi these are so damn humorous. I really enjoyed. Thanks for the posting. Numbber 24 is my favourite.

  344. [...] Shut up. That analogy makes perfect sense. [...]

  345. I must say that i laughed quite hard, almost as hard as the water is when you do a belly flop off of the big diving board.

  346. [...] Seems like a good opportunity to link one of my favorite funnies.  My two personal faves?  “She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog [...]

  347. What I am going to be is a happy man if you will find it nice in the heart of yours to send me via email one thousand non-funny thought provoking analogies and words as soon as July 18th, 2009.
    My email address is eminen4luv122@yahoo.com.

    Thank you…

  348. Excellent post, bookmarked so i can show my family and friends. Thanks

  349. Funny, funny stuff. I can’t tell you how much these made me laugh. I am currently working on my first novel (part of a trilogy) and when I came across your site I decided to take a few moments out to read the analogies. So glad I did. I’ll pass these on and let others know about your site. Will keep an eye on what you post from now on. By the way, I live in Australia so there’ll be a few Aussies laughing it up thanks to you.

  350. [...] [Writing English Blog]   [...]

  351. [...] comes from a viral e-mail claiming to be the 25 Funniest Analogies Collected by High School Teachers. Some [...]

  352. Having taught high school English for 32 years, I can believe these top 25 to be written by students even if they were not. Sometimes you get a kid who thinks himself a wordsmith and sets out to impress the teacher. I wish I had kept a collection of the real ones I encountered.

  353. Superb Bookmarked!

  354. I will definitely start keeping student analogies.

  355. Errr… aren’t some of these similies not analogies?

    • Yes, Skeptical, many of them are similes, but not all. When the list was originally sent to me, it was called The 25 Funniest Metaphors…” but that was clearly wrong. So I used “analogies” which covers everything on the list.

  356. Read and smile!

  357. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) [...]

  358. [...] A Good Metaphor is Pizza. By jonatrobert There are two kinds of analogies: the ones that are as good as a pizza, and the ones that are as bad as horseradish soup. And today, I bring you one of each, first let’s see what a bad metaphor tastes like. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he lo… [...]

  359. Hahaha. These are great! I should find the whole list and put it up on my blog too!

  360. These are really clever. I dont get how people could think they were awful. The ATM machine is IMO the greatest one, and possibly one of the best ive ever heard.

    Humour and postmodernism have no place for crappy, soppy, cliched time-and-time-again lyricism.

  361. I found all of them cute and funny!

  362. These remind me of Jack Handey’s Deepest Thoughts. He’s much more bizarre but the crazy thought process is there in all of these……. Thanks for the laughs.

  363. Not written by high school students. Sorry.

  364. Ran across this looking for interesting websites for my teaching classes. In my observation classes I have seen things such as these written by students. People don’t give kids enough credit. Some profound things come out of their heads when they apply themselves. And some just as easily bs their way through. In any case, no matter who wrote them and of what age, they were quite funny. I enjoyed them very much. :) Thanks for the laughs.

  365. While searching for my old creative writing teacher (Chuck Reilly)MDI, Maine. I stumbled across this page. I must say I pretty much choked on my morning coffee filled with laughter. Numbers 9, 10, 12 and 22 really kicked it for me. Having worked with kids in writing workshops etc.. I enjoy hidden talent’s. Thank-you for sharing this. Ned -

  366. OMG!..In writing workshop my teacher showed the class these, they are so funny…they definately made my day! (:

  367. I wonder if the writer of #14 had the same teacher for Math as for English. A rather clever and bold student if that were the case.

  368. I’m a teacher, and this is my favourite from one of my own students: “…and the cow tried to escape, but it was slightly scorched by the molten lava.”

  369. She blushed bright red, like someone having an asthma attack.

  370. I laughed hysterically, not hysterically, like a person watching someone being murdered with a chain-saw, but hysterically, like someone who thought something was so funny, he couldn’t laugh normally.

    • This is as clever as a room full of high school students writing for their teacher

  371. Hilarious, loved them all. I recently bought a book called “I never metaphor I didn’t like” with excellent examples and explanations of similes, metaphors and analogies. if you liked these you should definitely check it out. I cant find it to tell you the authors name, I suspect it has been borrowed as it is brilliant, but hey thats what Googles for isn’t it? One that pops to mind from it was actually uttered by the former PM of Australia, Paul Keating, while referring to the leader of the opposition. ” He’s a shiver looking for a spine to crawl up!” GOLD!!!!

  372. Hello,

    These seem more like metaphors than analogies.
    But they are still quite humorous and educational.
    I think this type of thinking is good for teaching man topics that are difficult to initially understand.

    Note the web site above.

  373. If you enjoy these, you might also like the collection of funny exam answers at http://www.funny-english-errors.com/fun/b-list.html

    Enjoy!

  374. WOW!! Awesome, these are great!! Really helped me understand analogies more for my English test tomorrow! (And kept me laughing out loud) :)
    Thanks!

  375. Thanks for sharing this interesting article.

  376. I used to be skinny, now I am fat, like I went from a six pack to a keg.

  377. they’re not even all analogies. most of them are similes…

  378. I LOLed so hard, In English we are currently doing Analogies and i found it difficult to create my own since the examples given were all so poetic but now i know i can compare one thing to anything as long as it makes sense. Thanks.

  379. On Februari 12,Admin February 23, 2010 @ 6:50pm

    I’m a also teacher, Thanks for sharing this funny interesting article

  380. That was dry.

  381. These writers are idiotic to say the least. Their education in grammar, spelling and writing skills are worthy of nothing less than the dump. These students belong in fifth grade where their abilities might then only be acknowledged as passible.

    • Hello Ethan,
      Considering that your comment contains both grammar and spelling mistakes, I’m not inclined to take what you’ve said very seriously.
      Judy

  382. [...] while back claiming to be bad analogies written by high school students and collected by teachers. There are some doozies posted here at Writing English. A couple of my [...]

  383. i wonder what high school students think

  384. The comments on the analogy blog were repetitive and redundant, like a website that’s redundant. And repetitive.

  385. This was so funny!

  386. Saw these on the door of one of our English teachers a while ago, laughed just as hard when I found them here. Thanks!!

  387. In an otherwise dull morning, you brought ROFLMAO into this now it’s not so dull dreary morning. =)
    Thank you for sharing

  388. these are not funny

  389. Lol that was hilarious!!!!

  390. This was one of the most retarded wastes of time I have seen in quite a while. It hardly holds any comedic value, that value being how funny it is that someone would waste their time to do something like this actually believing it to be funny.

  391. American Sport extinction…

    American holidays are over. Our parents used that last several weeks, without mentioning mobile phone and PC and only in. Amazing. I remember my father driving outer banks in our cottage at North Carolina in the general store where a man would use a pu…

  392. Thank you for the analogies. My college daughter sent them to me and I am definitely LOL!! I couldn’t possibly pick a favorite.

  393. Some people will not believe this, but here it goes… I swear I am not making this up… I wrote most of those SIMILES in high-school, back in the mid-80’s.

    It was in my Advanced English class, which I was failing miserably. Our teacher passed out a sheet of paper with just the first half of each sentence on it, and our instructions were to complete each sentence, turning them into similes.

    When I started on the assignment, the very first one was “Her eyes were like…” and I immediately thought to myself, *Ok, what’s the most ridiculous thing I can write here? I’m failing the class anyway, so it doesn’t matter* “Her eyes were like… two brown circles with black dots in the middle.” and that’s how it all started.

    Then I just kept rolling with it… “Her vocabulary was as bad as… like, whatever”, “two freight trains (in tribute to Math class)”, “eerie/Jeopardy”. I got the idea for the Jeopardy one from something that actually happened… While travelling, my family checked into a hotel and the first thing I did was turn on the TV. I said, “Why is Jeopardy on? It’s only a little after 7. It’s not supposed to come on until 7:30…” (At the time, I thought that was very strange, because we were still in the same time zone.) My parents told me that some shows come on at different times in different cities.

    Yes, most of these were all written by one disgruntled high-school student with a twisted sense of humor, back in the 80’s. In fact, most of the websites have all of the similes from my original paper (some of them even have different people’s names next to them [I couldn't figure out how to put a confused-looking emoticon here]).

    Someone emailed the original list of similes to me back in the mid-90’s when email started becoming very popular, and I recognized the similes from my English assignment. The email was titled, “Worst Analogies Ever Written In A High-School Essay.” I was a little offended by that, as I had put a lot of work into thinking them up! But, I couldn’t believe they were in global circulation. My teacher had probably showed them to another teacher, and so on, and so on. Then shortly after it started circulating in emails, it apparently became part of some contest, where people submitted my similes, calling them their own. They didn’t write them. A professional writer did not write them. A silly, bored, creative high-school student wrote the original list of similes, and then people started adding to the list over the years. I actually appreciate the person who commented above, “I can state with certainty that kids can and do come up with some astonishing things when asked to write.”

    At the time, I thought it was just another pointless English assignment, but I’m glad it’s making people laugh!!! :)

  394. Actually, here’s most of the original paper…

    Her eyes were like… two brown circles with black dots in the middle.

    He was as tall as… a six-foot three-inch tree.

    Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be burried in the credits as something like… “Second Tall Man.”

    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like… two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.

    The politician was gone but unnoticed, like… the period after the “Dr” on a Dr Pepper can.

    Her vocabulary was as bad as… like, whatever.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like… two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like… the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond… exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like… when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7pm instead of 7:30.

    Shots rang out, as… shots are wont to do.
    (My teacher actually thought I meant to write “won’t” but soon realized what I was saying. I had actually just learned what “wont” meant.)

    Her hair glistened in the rain like… nose hair after a sneeze.

    The red brick wall was the color of… a brick-red crayola crayon.

  395. it was pretty funny readin most of them

  396. it is funny

  397. very amusing and funny. thanks for sharing. :-)

  398. Nice post, very funny will save and share the post.

  399. Amazing list, shared with some friend and we have a good time reading it.

  400. Total Junk!

  401. I was sitting in the office busy researching material for my Grade 10 class’ when I came across your page on Google search. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the laughs. I definitely needed it. Euclid. Thailand

  402. This was a really good read! Yes, I second the opinion that some of these kids have a really bright future in humour writing!

  403. these are the absolute stupidest things i have ever read. these aren’t even funny they are just stupid as hell, how any of you could find this funny blows my mind.

  404. Regarding #9, “The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t”. This appears to me to be an inferior attempt to plagiarize the works of the late Douglas Adams, who wrote the following description of massive spaceships in “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”: “They hung in the air in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

    • You are obviously a ignoramus and a moronic one at that. The fact that you can’t find humor in these means you still don’t grasp the finer details of literacy. Please, never again post something that stupid.

  405. These are great!

    (420th comment)

  406. WOW. HILARIOUS.

    AND INSPIRING!

  407. [...] updates to second phone when they've had issues pushing out updates to the Droid 1. That's a horrible analogy. Also, reports are all that Froyo has great performance. That said, I disagree with about [...]

  408. “As the teen cycled the list she developed a hacking fit like a cat that swallowed a human bone”

  409. this shit is the wackest sense of comedy ive ever heard. i know analogies funnier than this. “you’re slower than a turtle stampeding through peanut butter!” now that shit’s funny

    • Sorry guys, i know that wasn’t funny but i guess i have no sense of humor that’s all. Im pretty lame and have a big head.

      sorry.

  410. My parents didn’t laugh. They have no sense of humor. :(

  411. [...] read the article here. Tags: english, humor, teaching, washington [...]

  412. laughed my bladder dry.

  413. These made my day. As a fifth grade teacher, I appreciate attempts at figurative language, however inept. Too funny.

    • There’s really nothing at all inept about these similes, they were intentionally written with apathy and sarcasm. The teacher gave us a time limit to finish this during the class, so I actually rushed to get these finished, that’s why they are so blatantly ridiculous (especially after about 25 years).

      I went back to re-do the bad ones during the class, but ran out of time! LOL! For example, “The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.” …Blatantly immature and not even funny. The point I was trying to make is that NOBODY does that, the problem is, it just isn’t funny. I just tried to write the most ridiculous thing as quickly as I could. I went back to re-do this one and then the teacher told us to turn the assignment in before I could change it. I probably would have changed it to something like this… “The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like small pieces of ice from your freezer would, with the same density and mass, if dropped from the same altitude.”

  414. I taught a communications writing class once. Here is one that comes to mind.

    She was a big, sweet woman. Like a cinnamon roll as big as the farm, sweating with cream cheese icing.

  415. I read this blog & appreciated.

  416. Snopes.com debunks this rumor:

    http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/metaphor.asp

    • The original list of similes (completed by one high school student in the mid-1980’s) was circulating in emails LONG before the Washington Post “contest” (the contest entries are actually from the original list of similes written by one student for an actual high school assignment, submitted by many different people), after the “contest”, people on the internet added to the list over the years which is what you see at the top of this page (along with SOME of the original similes)… even if you look at the entries in the “contest” from different people, you can tell by the writing style that they were all written by one person. It is impossible for people hundreds of miles apart to have the exact same writing style in the exact same contest. The first half of each sentence was supplied by a High School English teacher as a simile assignment, and the last half of each sentence in the original list was completed by one sarcastic non-empathetic student (the other students took the assignment seriously, which is why their answers did not make it to the internet). It’s VERY CLEAR that the first half of each sentence (from the ORIGINAL list) is completely serious (supplied by the teacher), and the last half of each sentence (after the word “like…” or “as…”) is a blatantly intentional joke, obviously written by one student. It is impossible for a group of strangers, who never met, to coincidentally write in the same style for the same “contest”. Just Google “her eyes were like two brown circles” and you’ll find the original list of similes. Regardless of the name next to the similes (which often changes, depending on which site you go to), the original list was written by a one student in high school in the mid-1980’s, later submitted to the Washington Post “contest” by many different people, who stole them from the email (taken from the original simile assignment by one high school student) which had already been circulating, long before the “contest”.

      • Snopes.com has no way of knowing, they got into the loop more than a decade later!

  417. Really cool and funny collection of quotes.

  418. [...] are getting it…or maybe getting it a little too well?  Well this English teacher has compiled a list of analogies from her students with that thought in [...]

  419. I’m pretty sure that most of those came from my film scriptwriting students. I wish I could laugh, but I get business letters from “professionals” that often look worse than these. I half expect that the End Times really will come soon, but that the angels will tell us all, “you’re all, like, doomed and stuff dude.”

  420. I read this blog and I like it.

  421. [...] comedic writing can often come unexpectedly, like from these samples of analogies “collected by High School English teachers.” And by High School English teachers, I mean that these analogies are the winning entries in a 1999 [...]

  422. perfectly funny as if a clown were in the room LOL LOLROTF

  423. >>20
    That is quite humorous

  424. I never heard about these 25 humorous analogies. these are not familiar to me.Last one was very humorous analogies.

  425. [...] Use the information in Chapter 15 to either create an ACROSTIC or an ANALOGY [...]

  426. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) (via Writing English) Leave a Comment Posted by petersboredom on April 11, 2011 UPDATE: Tens of thousands of readers have found this post and hundreds of you have commented. A few have said that these analogies were actually taken from other sources and were not written by high school kids at all. Now, we have a link that ends the debate. These analogies are the winning entries in a 1999 Washington Post humor contest, and there are more than 25. Please look at the comments sent August 3, 2008 by "Jiffer" to get to the comple … Read More [...]

  427. wow, nice. so funny. i lut it! LMFAO!

  428. These made me grin the way a baby does when it’s secretly pooping.

  429. Someone commented that high schoolers don’t understand similes/metaphors/sarcasm.

    Really? Teenagers are notorious for sarcasm. I’d say teenagers use sarcasm far more frequently and far more effectively than most adults do. Also, I learned similes/metaphors in 4th grade, buddy. It’s annoying to see so many adults who forget what it’s like to be younger, but still insist that they know what it’s like because, “I was once a kid, too.” Adults have an incredible capacity to forget.

  430. heeeey,

    This is soooooooooo funny i rofl all time! ILY4LFE!

  431. [...] level. For instance, humor is based on analogies. This example comes from the Writing English blog: “Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever”. Obviously, the humor in this sentence is [...]

  432. a big lol. :>

  433. in english i think that humore have another face.

  434. [...] 25 Funniest Analogies (“Writing English” blog by Judy Rose) [...]

  435. Our effort is to reach for the sky for physical, mental and intellectual growth of the child and the pursuit of excellence in all these fields is a relentless and a limitless quest.

  436. Do none of you realize that there is not a single analogy on this page?!? The use of “like” or “as”, creates a simile not an analogy… Where the f^%# do these kids go to high school?!? Better yet, who are you clowns that found this stuff humorous? Who are you kidding?!?

  437. This is sad…. These kids are our future and you guys think this kind of nonsense is funny! I didn’t see a single analogy on your list, supposedly collected by high school teachers, as the 25 funniest analogies ever written!! This is a shameful day to be an American. These teachers should be fired!!

  438. LISTEN TO ME PEOPLE. AS I STATED ABOVE, I WROTE THIS AS A JOKE IN HIGH SCHOOL 25 YEARS AGO FOR A SIMILE ASSIGNMENT. MY INTENTION WAS TO WRITE THE MOST RIDICULOUS ANSWERS I COULD, COMPLETING THE FIRST HALF OF EACH SENTENCE, AFTER THE WORD, “LIKE.” …SOMEHOW, YEARS LATER, THE WASHINGTON POST TRICKED A LOT OF PEOPLE INTO THINKING IT WAS SOME SORT OF CONTEST IN WHICH RANDOM PEOPLE SUBMITTED THESE SIMILES. THEY ARE CLEARLY WRITTEN BY ONE INDIVIDUAL, MYSELF, AS THEY ALL MAINTAIN THE EXACT SAME WRITING STYLE, THAT IS, UNTIL OTHERS ADDED THEIR OWN SIMILES OVER THE YEARS. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY. THE BRILLIANTLY SARCASTIC KID WHO WROTE THE ORIGINAL LIST OF SIMILES, MAKING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD LAUGH UNTIL THEY FALL OUT OF THEIR SEATS YEAR AFTER YEAR, IS NOW A SUCCESSFUL WEB DEVELOPER AND MUSICIAN. GET OFF YOUR THRONES AND GET OVER YOUR BAD SELVES. THE FUTURE OF AMERICA ISN’T DEPENDENT UPON SARCASTIC HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS, IT IS ALREADY DESTROYED BECAUSE OF THE PEOPLE THAT YOU VOTED INTO OFFICE.

    • If you are truly the author of these analogies, we all owe you our thanks for making us laugh. There have been so many conflicting claims, that it will probably just be up to each reader to decide who gets the credit. But I believe the Washington Post humor contests are a famous feature that the paper has been running for years. I am not a subscriber, so I don’t keep up with it, but there are other publications as well, such as New York Magazine, that have humor contests similar to the one that purports to have generated the analogies. So your idea that the WaPo ran a random “bad simile’ contest purely out of the blue doesn’t take into consideration their long history. And from reading the contest in New York Magazine, I can tell you that people do send in entries that are every bit as clever and funny as these analogies. The magazine proposes a pattern which people are challenged to follow, so it is no coincidence that all the entries are along the same lines even though they are written by different people.

    • disgruntled-high-school-student, you’ve posted several times that you’re the author of these. I would be a lot more convinced if you were to provide some evidence, such as:

      * The name of the high school
      * The name of the teacher (perhaps with contact information, so we can ask him/her)
      * A scan of the assignment
      * etc.

      Otherwise, there’s no compelling reason to believe your story (your point about similar style doesn’t really hold, since the editor selecting the entries for the contest may have just preferred a certain style).

  439. Some of these are really good, actually — good as in humorous and imaginative. I appreciate sarcasm in writing, and I also appreciate when people say things in new ways to avoid being cliche. Don’t get me wrong; some of these similes and metaphors are pretty bad, and you can tell they were serious at the time, but for the most part this was a good reminder to be imaginative in my writing.

    And, for the record… Does it really matter where they originally came from? Personally, I think the lesson behind it is most important, and that lesson is whatever you take away from it.

  440. Really cool and funny collection of games and fun for hours ;)

  441. hey Liz i totally disagree i think that MOST of them are GREAT but there are like 2 that i dont like

  442. “She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.” — this one got me laughing for a while!

    “She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.” — I love this one. Reminds me of myself…and my husband! :D

  443. Hey thanks for your above article post. I have read your above list and really it is very funny. My friends also saw your site and really enjoyed it after reading. Really the era of high schools was great, I remembered my high school time and really miss those enjoyable days.

    http://www.highschoolsprograms.com/

  444. [...] Disclaimer: All content taken from Bill Gross’ post here. Original Source: Writing English [...]

  445. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) (via Writing English) Posted on September 17, 2011 by primedprimate UPDATE: Tens of thousands of readers have found this post and hundreds of you have commented. A few have said that these analogies were actually taken from other sources and were not written by high school kids at all. Now, we have a link that ends the debate. These analogies are the winning entries in a 1999 Washington Post humor contest, and there are more than 25. Please look at the comments sent August 3, 2008 by "Jiffer" to get to the comple … Read More [...]

  446. [...] are making the rounds again, but are still incredibly funny.  I got them from this blog, but they originally came from a 1999 Washington Post humor contest.  [...]

  447. These are priceless! Sadly, I encountered many far worse than these in my 30 years of teaching high school English. Thanks for the post, and the proper attribution.

  448. [...] UPDATE: Tens of thousands of readers have found this post and hundreds of you have commented. A few have said that these analogies were actually taken from other sources and were not written by high school kids at all. Now, we have a link that ends the debate. These analogies are the winning entries in a 1999 Washington Post humor contest, and there are more than 25. Please look at the comments sent August 3, 2008 by "Jiffer" to get to the comple … Read More [...]

  449. [...] Challies had a link  today to 25 funny analogies submitted to a Washington Post contest.  One of my favorites was this [...]

  450. [...] the Writing English blog here are twenty-five analogies that make up for their failure in form by being funny. Some [...]

  451. [...] by high school English teachers. I just had to share it. You can read the full post by clicking here. For now, here are a few of my favorites: “Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, [...]

  452. As a woman with a college English degree these words were not at all lost. This is clearly a group of students with creative senses of humor. Thank you for starting my day off with a smile.

  453. These are hilarious! Just wish Mrs. Raper was still here so I could send them to her! She would love them!

  454. [...] But Graham’s way will grow on us like it is a colony of E. Coli and we are room-temperature grade-A beef. [...]

  455. [...] High School writers – Writers at this age can be the best because they are so great at winging it. Chances are they just don’t care and this makes them free to tell it like it is. These are some great analogies collected by high school English teachers. [...]

  456. [...] So did some of these analogies (or similes, for you English teachers out there). (HT: [...]

  457. Well, the “student” who is taking credit for all these has enough narcissism for all of us. I wrote a LOT of this kind of thing in HS, so it isn’t a matter of plagiarizing, but rather that intelligent and clever people exist everywhere and at all times. And “Jack Handy”? Yes, from SNL – but he is the invention of Al Franken, our Senator from Minnesota. George Carlin also was great at this. Here are some analogies, similes, whatever I remember from high school in the 1960s – and some I wrote. Humor is in the ear of the beholder… or whatever.

    That is about as useful as a one-legged man in a kicking contest.
    That is about as useful as a wicker bed pan.
    That is about as useful as a rubber crutch.
    She looked like a million bucks…. all green and wrinkled.
    He looked deep into her eyes and said, “your eyes are like pools, cesspools”.
    His expression was like that of a marshmallow half-melted in hot chocolate (mine).
    Two is company, but three makes for a cheaper cab fare (mine).
    The veins on his face throbbed like worms drowning in beer (mine).
    Her ideas were like boomerangs that came back and hit everyone upside the head (mine).
    Giving him money was like giving a dead man Viagra (mine).
    Her teeth sparkled like the body glitter that falls into the toilet bowl when you go (mine).
    Saying “my wife is married but I’m not” is like believing in God, but only on Sundays (mine).
    Courage is like eating too much watermelon and assuming you won’t need the bathroom before getting home (mine).
    The dancer extended her leg like an amoeba (mine).
    She had the athleticism of a snake in a marathon (mine).

    Etc. etc.

  458. This is so great i laughed my butt off, i’m sitting in class doing a report on high school English teachers and this pops up soon enough i have my friends looking over my shoulder and we are all laughing at these super funny analogies! It makes me want to be an english teacher even more!

  459. These were making bounce off the wall as they made cough my funny.

  460. [...] my class Facebook page, one of my juniors posted a link to some hilarious similes that students had supposedly turned in to teachers over the years. A few [...]

  461. i dont like the analogies at all

  462. [...] hope you enjoy these funny analogies. Share this:SharePrintEmailFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. [...]

  463. If only my English teacher saw these… She’d be having a heart attack like someone having a heart attack. -w-“

    • Haha… Ha… Ha?

      • Ha…Ha….Ha….Ha.

  464. Love number 12!!! My brother will get a kick out of it. I’m so immature.

  465. I hope more of such shares would be a lot.
    follow-up of sites that I’ve added your blog.

    THANK YOU

  466. [...] sent me these analogies. I got it from this website, though I think the blog may be shutdown now. Be that as it may, these are 25 [...]

  467. oh thtzzzzzzzzzzzzzamazing::::::::::::::::))))))))))))))))!!!!!!!!!!! v had a gud laugh///////

  468. thats nice!

  469. You made me laugh, thank you for sharing. People with great sense of humor will appreciate this. I like much no. 10 & 12, made me laugh out loud. Keep posting!

  470. [...] the top twenty-five worst analogies as compiled by high school English teachers can be seen here.) Sex is basically like the Adobe Creative Suite (I’m very familiar with one. Not so much the [...]

  471. Number 9 – The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t – is a paraphrase of a Douglas Adams line from Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:

    “They hung in the air exactly the same way that bricks don’t.”

    http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0007565/quotes

  472. Reblogged this on writingishardwork and commented:
    My students have written some funny ones over the years. Here is a list of some of the best from Judy Rose’s blog.

  473. clever.

  474. I gave her my heart
    and she crushed and threw it away like
    so much something that you would
    crush and throw away.

  475. Reblogged this on illustristitan.

  476. Reblogged this on Gayecrispin's Blog and commented:
    Fun Blog Of Funniest Analaogies

  477. love it

  478. Reblogged this on Reality Revised and commented:
    An old post, but still a good one. I think this is something every lover of fiction should read.

  479. [...] keeps turning, I’ll stay on for the ride, but I don’t think it will… Also- that was a lousy metaphor. **Cinderella’s glass slipper just shattered. I expected the incredible high from two nights [...]

  480. I am typically to running a blog and i really recognize your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I’m going to bookmark your website and maintain checking for brand new information.

  481. Brilliant! Ms. Rose should get royalties from the companies for advertising the products they mention.

    • I like that idea! ~Judy

  482. My Mother is a well known Reading Teacher and would laugh hystericaly in regards to you’re analogies. ( misspelled word..6TIA Strokes ). I found them hilariou and know. Mom would. also!!

  483. could create a web design based on these

  484. I have read your above list and really it is very funny. My friends also saw your site and really enjoyed it after reading.

  485. Very funny stuff. But I’m not surprised to learn that they were from a contest intended to produce bad analogies. They reminded me too much of entries in past Bulwer-Lytton contests.

    BTW: I trust you know about the “student bloopers” list.

    http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~norman/Jokes-file/StudentBloopers.htm

    Most humorous, they are.

  486. Omigosh. That last link made be laugh too hard and I had an accident.

  487. [...] The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers) [...]

  488. [...] answers, or this one on student bloopers,.  The funniest is the post by Judy Rose where she posts the 25 funniest analogies – which includes these gems – “Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, [...]

  489. I personally like the one that says “Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.” :)

  490. These are as hilarious as they can get! :) Made me laugh like crazy! As a kid,I LOVE these things. Smart high schoolers, huh?

  491. Shots rang out, as shots are won’t to do??? This doesn’t make any sense to me at all

    • Hi Lindsay,
      If you look more closely, you’ll notice that there’s no apostrophe in wont. It’s not the contraction of will not, rather it’s a completely different word that means likely, or habitually. Does it make any more sense to you now? ~Judy

  492. Ideas are so funny! would be interesting to see some new ones.

  493. [...] An example, “Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.” (From Writing English, The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)) [...]

  494. Reblogged this on and commented:
    Too funny not to share. I love analogies… They can add great flavor to creative writing, but sometimes they’re a total epic fail. :)

  495. […] came across this post the other day while reading through my blog reader. Pretty funny! It is worth reading […]

  496. […] 25 Funniest Analogies […]

  497. The only requirements are that it is not pornographic or otherwise inappropriate for your visitors.
    To get me going with preparing my own building drawings
    I got from the Thai Government website a number of
    ready made Thai building drawings in pdf and Auto – CAD format.

    Maybe you should look into thick bar training, it’s proven to be healthier and its used by bodybuilders, NFL teams and even the Special Forces.

  498. Amazing!

  499. What a hoot. Please post more. Thank you and your students for the laughs….


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